Hmm nice I suppose.
Nice work, but I think you could have really improved your percussion, it sounded very *generic* the kick had no bass. Also that kick loop is not right, it's good to have in every 4th bar but no every single bar. I would say go a 4/4 kick for the first 3 bars then that kick sequence, trust me it'll sound much better.
You don't really need to focus on your percussion sequences right now, just learn where basically everything goes (kicks, claps, hats, rides) and you should be alright for the time being.
Try get some club kicks, look into getting the VEC's since I can see you don't have them.
Since I know you have Nexus, by hearing that preset lead, you should know how to look for the VEC's. (Vengeance Essential Clubsounds) Also look into getting Vengeance Ultimate Bass or talk with me and I can send you a mini-pack of mine.
Just keep practicing, experimenting, playing with fl etc till you get it.
Eventually if you try you'll be able to hear exactly what I hear through this song.
Just comes with experience.
Keep up the good work mate.
5'd
-Cheers Brando